Becoming Debt Free in 2009

February 4, 2009

It Feels Like Wednesday

Filed under: Uncategorized — ambercouric @ 10:32 am

Be warned this post will go all over the place.  So many things going on.

When I wrote last I was going to work on my taxes.  Well, they are DONE.  I’m getting a little back and I will put that on my car.  I am so sick of this car payment.  It seems like it will never end.  Kinda like when I was a child and the ride to Grandma’s seemed so short but the ride home seemed like it took an extra five hours.  Well, this car payment seems like it will last forever.  I know it won’t but it just seems that the time between checks barely moves.

This is not PF related but I thought someone may have some advice.  I have a good friend that has a tendency to interject herself or her children in whatever my children or I am doing.  My son is a runner and has been for years.  When a neighbor that is part of a running club invited my son to participate in a race she sent her son to and her son had never run.  Every single extra curricular activity my children do she tries to send one of her children to do it with them.    Anyway, the latest issue it that I have planned a trip and she INVITED herself.  She has already taken the time off and is ready to go.  How do I uninvite her?  She can be loud and embarrassing and I really don’t won’t her on this trip.  My husband says I’m stuck but there has to be a way out.  Any ideas?



  1. Hmmm . . . that’s a tough one. Not sure I have any advice. I’ll be interested in other’s comments!

    Comment by Jennifer — February 4, 2009 @ 11:25 am

  2. Hi there-Not sure if this is the right suggestion, but would you consider letting her go on the trip and see how it all pans out? It may turn out better than you think and you won’t have those pangs of guilt for uninviting her-just a thought!!

    Comment by sharon rose — February 4, 2009 @ 12:28 pm

  3. I would stop telling her about upcoming events in my and my children’s lives. Either wait to mention it until it is too late for her to impose herself, or pre-empt her by positioning the activity as something you want to do alone or just with your family.

    I don’t envy the position you are in – it’s very awkward.

    Comment by Money Minder — February 4, 2009 @ 1:22 pm

  4. She invited herself? That’s crazy, I can’t imagine doing that to someone. Can you arrange it in such a way she can’t come, change dates, change transportation or something? Sorry that’s a tough one.

    Also, I know how you feel about the car loan. I felt the same way about mine, like it would never go away. It’s so nice to have it paid off, you’ll enjoy the feeling.

    Comment by Miss M — February 4, 2009 @ 1:31 pm

  5. I would cancel the trip due to some last minute issue (make up something). Then reschedule your trip for another time without telling her. Very rude of her to invite herself. This is YOUR trip and you should be able to enjoy yourself.

    Comment by Michelle — February 4, 2009 @ 3:51 pm

  6. This woman hurts my head. I would do like Michelle said and change dates or flights or hotels or something. I would also never tell her about anything until after the fact. If she asks directly what you are doing some time, I’d be completely noncommittal and give a bunch of options of what I might do….none of which are what I actually plan to do.

    Now if your plans are already permanent, you are kind of out of luck. The only thing you can do then is to try and plan a schedule to exclude her. Buy tickets to things in advance, and don’t get one for her or tell her about it. Then say that you didn’t think she’d want to go and you’re really sorry. Leave the hotel really early in the morning, or stay out really late and then sleep in. Whatever she likes least. Do things you like that she doesn’t enjoy. In short, make things as unpleasant for her as you can without ruining your trip.

    Comment by Slinky — February 4, 2009 @ 4:23 pm

  7. In the future I would just not tell this person about events that are upcoming so that they can’t invite themselves. Also, if you’re close enough with them you could have a sit down talk with them about this.

    Comment by Peter — February 4, 2009 @ 5:05 pm

  8. I don’t really get how someone can invite themselves on your trip. Seems like you should have said something when you found out.

    Every trip I’ve been on, I would think you could ignore her or not even see her.

    Comment by dogatemyfinances — February 4, 2009 @ 8:17 pm

  9. Say you’re so sorry, but you are really trying to spend some more intimate quality time with your family away from home – you made special plans and everything! How sorry you are, can you do something together another time maybe?

    Be gracious and sympathetic, but firm. If you don’t set boundaries at the start, it will just get worse. And hey, if you do alienate her or she feels snubbed, well, is that really a problem? Maybe she’ll be less intrusive in your future plans that way. Just remember, if there are hurt feelings to be had, it’s her own fault, not yours (do NOT feel guilty about it!!!!).

    Comment by debtmaven — February 4, 2009 @ 9:35 pm

  10. Debtmaven has it exactly right. You must set some boundaries. Be nice but be firm and expect that your relationship may change as a result. This behavior probably won’t improve over time so you’ll have to decide which you want more, her friendship or your privacy. Good luck!

    Comment by SimplyForties — February 5, 2009 @ 12:14 am

  11. I am with DebtMaven. You’re going to have to set your foot down or this is going to be an ongoing thing. No need to be hasty. But she needs to realize she is not in your family.

    Uncomfortable to do, maybe. But definitely necessary!

    Comment by money funk — February 5, 2009 @ 2:27 am

  12. I would just stop telling her about things… I had a friend like that… luckily for me, we are no longer friends… just talk once in a while… I had to distance myself from her… I have no time for negatives in my life 🙂 neither do you 😉

    Comment by jpkittie — February 5, 2009 @ 8:14 am

  13. Thanks for all the advice. The way things usually happen is that I say I can’t go somewhere because I need to take Kennedy to the homeless shelter and she says oh, B needs to do something like that so I’ll send him. It doesn’t matter if it is volunteering at the homeless shelter, the humane society, the hospital children’s day – everything. Also, as far as extra curriculars if my son is running then she decides her son should be a runner. If my son plays the guitar then her son should play the guitar. I have stopped telling her things but sometimes it is hard. With this trip after she invited herself she actually said, “oh, I just invited myself.”

    I did change my trip and told her that I’m not exactly sure of the dates. This is true – I didn’t set the date yet.

    Comment by ambercouric — February 5, 2009 @ 11:27 am

  14. It’s too bad you had to change the trip. In the future, I would try to set some boundaries using the “family time” excuse – actually it’s not even an excuse, it’s a totally valid explanation. I would just say,

    “my family and I are scheduling this to have some private, quality family time. You know how busy everyone is, the kids always having activities, so we thought we would have some time just be the 4 of us for a little bit… I am sorry, I hope you understand, and I’d love to plan something else for us another time.”

    If you want to, add:

    “how about [this activity] on [this date]?

    Other excuses – you want to spend time with the kids before they get any older/busier/move out, etc. She should understand that families like family time.

    Comment by megandeputter — February 5, 2009 @ 4:13 pm

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